A Long Way From Home
by Leader of the Penguins
Summary: When Rose and some fellow passengers and crew end up in modern-day Glasgow, hilarity ensues. Just how are they going to cope in 21st century Britain, nevermind trying to find their way back to Titanic?
1. Chapter One

**AUTHOR'S NOTE : _"Oh no, not another cliched time travel story!" I hear you groan. Well, this one isn't random strangers appearing on the Titanic to turn their world upside down. What happens when you place the characters in a place where they kind of recognise, but is completely different? I used the setting of modern Glasgow because there is so much humour to be had with my local culture - You guessed it, I'm from Glasgow. I could have made it anywhere, but at least with it set in Glasgow it would be ore accurate than basing it in a place I have never been to._**

**_Enjoy the story!_**

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**_~ Chapter One ~_**

Rose DeWitt Bukater was the first to wake up on the train platform. She looked around at the commuters wearing what she thought were 'funny' clothes, as dark blue trains bearing the brand _Scotrail_ entered and exited the station. Towards the front of the platform, she recognised fellow _Titanic_ passengers, who were also just waking up. Dusting off her pale blue and pink dress, she walked over to them, ignoring the stares from commuters and station staff. She watched her mother being helped up by her fiance Cal Hockley, who was looking extremely confused.

"Ah, Rose! Thank God!" Cal exclaimed, letting out a sigh of relief. He too, looked around at the other passengers, who were all pretty much on their feet and looking dazed.

"Where are we?" Rose walked past them all towards a sign that stood on the middle of Platform Four. It read : _Glasgow Central_.

Rose wasn't the only one who had noticed the sign. Jack Dawson was staring at it intently, scratching his head. Rose's mother Ruth paled when she realised that they no longer on the _Titanic_ but were infact in Glasgow. The only passenger who seemed unaffected was First Officer William Murdoch, who rubbed his hands together in glee.

"We're fine!" He announced, looking around at the passengers who were crowded around this sign. "Who's all here, by the way?"

"Myself, Rose and Ruth DeWitt Bukater," Cal replied, taking Rose's hand in a subtle move to lead her away from Jack, who was eyeing them up suspiciously.

"Molly Brown, Mr Ismay, Captain Smith, Second Officer Lightoller and lastly, myself," Mr Andrews stood next to Murdoch, who seemed to be calculating his next move.

"And me!" Jack piped up, looking annoyed.

"My apologies, Mr Dawson!" Mr Andrews said cheerily, giving jack a friendly pat on the back. "I merely assumed you were one of these train passengers. Nevertheless, it won't happen again."

Jack nodded, looking down the platform to a couple of station staff in yellow hi-visibility vests who were approaching them. The taller man with tattoos was talking to someone through his radio, something which fascinated the _Titanic_ passengers. The smaller man, however, was looking quite angry, and was holding a clear trash bag half-filled with rubbish.

"And what are _we_ up to?" The taller man asked the group, to which most of them shrugged.

"_We_ appear to be lost, my good man," Ismay answered, gesturing towards the rest of the group. "When I closed my eyes for a nap last night, I was in my stateroom on the _Titanic_, and now I appear to be in Glasgow."

Both men looked at Ismay in disbelief.

"_Titanic_? That ship sank one hundred years ago! Didn't it, Chris?" The smaller man insisted, looking at his equally dumbstruck colleague.

Several of the passengers gasped in shock at those words, whereas Ismay merely scoffed.

"Nonsense! The ship can't sink!"

"But it did," Chris replied with a sombre expression on his face, before breaking into a grin. "Wait a second ... This is an act, isn't it?"

"What do you mean, 'act'?" Captain Smith piped in, standing alongside Ismay with a concerned look.

"It's been one hundred years since the ship sank, so Cameron's making ye all dress up as yer characters and goin' aroond the UK in a PR stunt. Am I right?"

Molly looked at the man as though he was insane. "Sonny, you're gonna have to start talkin' sense here!"

Lightoller was completely confused. "What's Cameron?"

"Some guy, I suppose," Jack replied, before pointing towards Chris' radio. "What's that?"

"It's a radio transmitter, so I can communicate wae my colleagues," The man replied curtly.

"Think he can find this Cameron gentleman on that?" Cal asked Ismay, who looked at Chris, who shook his head.

"Naw, just _Scotrail_ employees," He answered, before motioning for the group to come with him. "There's a train due to leave for East Kilbride in a few minutes once it gets here, youse had better produce tickets or come through the barriers wae me."

"We don't have any tickets," Rose whispered to Mr Andrews, breaking free of Cal's grip, and walking towards the two men. "Please, you have to believe us."

"Just come through the barriers wae me, I'm not falling for any _Punk'd_ or _Real Radio_ crap," Chris walked down to the barriers at the platform's rear, with the group following behind.

"Glasgow was much friendlier last time I was here," Murdoch muttered to Lightoller, who chuckled.

The group were amazed to see the barriers work, simply by the commuter sliding their ticket into the slot, with the barriers opening automatically for them.

"This new technology is fascinating!" Cal remarked, studying one particular barrier as a woman passed through carrying a small child. "Don't you ever get people cut in half?"

"Whit?" The staff member was slightly amused by this question.

"Say, if the little doors shut too soon, does the person walking through get cut in half?" Cal asked, which recieved a large amount of laughter in response. "Why is that funny? I do _not_ want to get cut in half!"

"Pal, they're DOORS! They won't cut you in half, jeezo!" Chris responded, using a key to open a barrier for the passengers to pass through. "On youse go, ya bunch of fannies!"

Cal glared at him as he jumped through in fear of being cut in half. He was mildly disappointed that the barrier didn't cut anyone in half, especially Jack. He could've done with that.

Through the barriers, everyone looked in amazement at the scene around them. No-one was more shocked than Murdoch, who was gaping at the shops and commuters before him.

"What the hell is a _Tie Rack_?" He asked, peering right into the stall's windows, receiving a weird look from the staff behind the counter. "Looks like ties and scarves."

"If it's called _Tie Rack_ then I would be bettin' on there being ties," Molly laughed.

Another man was making his way towards the group. This time, it was someone who Cal, Rose and Ruth immediately recognised.

"Lovejoy!" Cal gasped in surprise, shaking hands with his manservant.

"Well, we're in Glasgow, that's for sure," Lovejoy said, looking around. "I don't recall there being any businesses named _Burger King_ or _Accessorize_."

"We must be in a different time period," Mr Andrews guessed, watching a large group of men march by wearing kilts and navy blue football tops, belting out _Flower of Scotland_ at the top of their lungs.

"Oi, Will!" Lightoller nudged Murdoch in the ribs and pointed to the group of fans. "You told me you all don't wear kilts in Scotland! Why'd you lie?"

Murdoch sighed. "We only wear them for _occasions_ Lights."

"Then, what kind of occasion is _that_?" Ruth pointed out, as one of the football fans lefted up the rear of his kilt, giving the group a cheeky flash of his rather hairy backside.

The group recoiled in horror, with Cal trying to hold back some vomit. Well, apart from Jack, who could see the funny side. Sadly, he was the only one.

"It's true what they say then about Scotsmen!" He joked, looking at Murdoch. "Do you wear nothing under your kilt?"

"Hmph!" Murdoch huffed as he walked out onto the main concourse of the station. He could hear Lightoller behind him sharing some sort of joke with Jack.

All around him were these weird shops that appeared to sell mostly food, from chocolate, to pasties, and to bagels. There were plenty more football fans milling about, with commuters trying to go about their business while dodging their dancing. He was far too distracted by what was going on around him to notice that he was getting stares, and funny looks. Not only that, but people were snapping away pictures on their camera phones and uploading them onto the internet on the spot.

"Wait til I put this on _Facebook_!" One commuter said, a girl in her mid-teens, fiddling with her _BlackBerry_.

"What's _Facebook_?" Murdoch wondered to himself as Lightoller and Cal joined him.

"No idea, mate," Lightoller replied. "Where are we going?"

"Back to _Titanic_, I would hope!" Cal said indignantly, brandishing a wad of cash. "But first, I need to find someplace to swap my dollars for whatever currency Scotland is using at this point."

"I think we need to find this Cameron guy," Molly suggested, sidling up to Cal. "That guy with the weird talky thing seemed to think he was behind this."

"Yes, that's right, that Cameron chap will take us back!" Lightoller exclaimed, looking around as the rest of the group joined them.

"Sounds good enough to me Mr Lightoller," Captain Smith smiled, before adding. "Where will we look first?"

"I believe Mr Hockley would like to exchange his dollars first, sir," Murdoch replied helpfully, pointing at the bundle of notes still in Cal's hand.

"Why don't we ask that gentleman over there?" Rose asked, indicating towards another staff member in a high-vis vest, inspecting the departure boards. "Wow! Look at those departure boards! It's like little orange lights!"

Lovejoy walked over to the staff member, eyeing up a train that was due to leave for London shortly. "Excuse me?"

The man turned to Lovejoy. "Aye?"

"Can you please tell us where we can exchange our currency for Glasgow money?" Lovejoy asked, as politely as he could.

"Glasgow money? Whit, you English think you're better than us or somethin'? Fuckin' _Glasgow_ money? Pfft, get yerselves tae _Thomas Cook_ on Gordon Street and get oot ma sight!" The man tried to shoo Lovejoy away, who was looking absolutely furious.

Lovejoy stormed back to Cal, with a face like thunder. "Bloody cheeky bastard!"

Murdoch tried to hide the fact that he found the whole situation hilarious. In the end, he ducked behind Lightoller, sniggering away with Mr Andrews and Jack. It was something the English members of the group couldn't appreciate.

"What did he say?" Cal asked, giving the staff member and evil look, which was returned along with the man's middle finger. "I should get him fired for that!"

Lovejoy sighed. "Some place on Gordon Street called _Thomas Cook_."

"Where's Gordon Street, Officer Murdoch?" Ruth asked, peering behind Lightoller.

Composing himself, Murdoch swiftly answered, "Just out the main entrance there."

"Well, let's leave then," Cal began, taking Rose's arm. "I'm not staying in this station any minute longer than I have to!"

The group followed behind, passing by more groups of Scotland supporters waving their flags and wearing tartan hats with fake ginger hair poking from the sides. The supporters took no notice of them, despite their appearance being scrutinised by almost everyone. Mind you, the sight that awaited them outside the station gates was something else. Around twenty taxis were lined up in front of the station, as well as a couple of small buses. There were groups of young people with weird hair colours and gothic make-up hanging around the entrance, casually smoking cigarettes and messing about.

"My God, where are those children's parents?" Ismay gasped, turning his nose up at one particular group that seemed to be laughing at his moustache.

"I think this '_Cooking Tom's_' place is further along ..." Jack muttered, looking around him.

"_Thomas Cook_, Jack," Mr Andrews kindly reminded him. "I don't see it here either, it must be down that way."

Mr Andrews pointed past the main road, where he could see a row of shop signs. There were plenty of people going about their everyday business, carrying briefcases and shopping bags. Most of them took no notice of the group, having probably already seen weirder sights in Glasgow on a Saturday.

The group walked along to the main road at Union Street, where more shops lined either side. They waited until the traffic had appeared to stop until crossing, not realising that the traffic flowing down into Union Street from Renfield Steet had stopped. They narrowly avoided being hit by a taxi that had turned onto Union Street from in front of the station.

"Bloody hell!" Lovejoy groaned.

"Hey!" Molly shouted, starting straight ahead. "That small circular sign up ahead, I think it says _Thomas Cook_!"

Murdoch, Lightoller, Jack and Rose cheered enthusiastically, before the group set off along to the shop. Upon arrival, they were stunned to see the many signs on the windows advertising holiday bargains. Even more confusing was the concept of air travel.

"Whoa!" Jack pointed to a picture of an airplane, and then to the deal below it. "Three nights in Las Vegas for two, £799!"

"This one looks better," Rose pointed to another offer. "Seven nights in Benidorm, £278 per person!"

Cal placed one hand on the door. "Let's just get this over with, shall we?"

Cal led the group inside _Thomas Cook_, where things seemed to get even weirder than at the station. It certainly wasn't 1912, and it wasn't the Glasgow Murdoch remembered.


	2. Chapter Two

_**~ Chapter Two ~**_

Cal looked confused. All around him were desks with weird monitor things and bizarre-looking telephones. Behind those desks were several shelves with brochures advertising various holiday destinations. Potential holidaymakers were trying to arrange holidays, too busy to notice the strange group that had collected at the door.

A young woman in a blue blouse approached Cal, smiling sweetly. "Good afternoon! How can I help you today?"

Returning the smile, Cal informed her, "I would like to exchange my dollars, miss."

"Ah, very good," She said, before pointing to the booth in front of them. "If you go over to the Foreign Exchange desk, one of my colleagues will be very happy to assist you, Mr Zane."

"It's Mr Hockley, actually," Cal said through gritted teeth. He could be polite when he wanted to, but mistaking him for someone else, someone he knew nothing about, was a big mistake.

"I see ... Well, enjoy your stay in Glasgow!" She made a quick getaway to help an elderly couple who had just walked in the door.

He approached the Foreign Exchange where a portly woman was busy fixing her hair. "What can I do for you?"

Sliding his dollars through the small gap in the window, Cal announced, "I would like to exchange my dollars for Scottish money please."

"You mean Sterling?" The woman asked helpfully.

"If that's what you use then yes, it is," Cal answered back pompously.

"How much are you exchanging then?" She asked as she began counting his money.

"What I gave you," Cal looked at the woman as though she was an idiot for asking that question.

"Wait a minute ..." The woman at the desk muttered. "This money is over a hundred years old! Let me get a manager."

Cal sighed and looked around. He could see Rose looking at brochures with her mother, who was reluctantant to touch anything in the store.

"My goodness, they have air travel instead of ocean liners!" Rose marvelled, poring over the back pages of the brouchure.

"I think I would prefer to be closer to the ground," Ruth stated, before walking over to Mr Andrews, who was smirking at Murdoch and Lightoller. "What on Earth are they looking at?"

It was a _Club 18-30_ brochure that had caught the officers' attention. They were staring wide eyed at the pictures of young women in bikinis splashing around swimming pools and dancing in bars. Neither of them seem fussed about the resorts in the brochure.

"Wait - Lights! That one there!" Murdoch gasped after turning the page. It was a picture of a young woman in a small red bikini posing on the beach with a cocktail.

At this moment Captain Smith snatched the brochure from them, keen to see what all the fuss was about. His eyes widened too, and he hastily closed it over and threw it onto an empty desk.

"Now ... What's happening here?" Smith answered, feeling his cheeks flush a brilliant crimson colour.

"Mr Hockley was supposed to be obtaining currency, but it seems to be taking an awful long time," Ismay answered, nodding over to Cal, who was looking fed up.

"I'll go see what the hold up is," Lovejoy insisted, feeling around for his gun, not that he really needed it.

"Anyone actually know what _year_ this is?" Jack asked the group, taking a _Club 18-30_ brochure from the shelves and folding it into his trousers pocket for 'reading' later.

"Dunno darlin'," Molly shouted from the other side of the room, where she was looking at various brochures for cruises. "Hey! Hang on a sec!"

The group minus Cal and Lovejoy gathered around her as she pulled a brochure from the shelf. She stared at it for several minutes, a look of recognition was appearing on her face. Pointing to some text on the cover, she handed the brochure to Rose.

"It can't be ... It says _Winter 2012_!" Rose cried, looking up at the group. "This is one hundred years in the future!"

Ruth scoffed. "Now dear, don't be so preposterous. We simply can't travel into the future."

"But we must have, Mrs DeWitt Bukater," Mr Andrews reasoned, taking the brochure from Rose. "I honestly can't think of any other explanation."

"Finally!"

Cal had rejoined the group, carrying a plastic wallet containing a large sum of money. He had a sour expression on his face, and didn't look as though he wanted to stay there a minute longer.

"Thank goodness," Ruth sighed. "Why were they taking so long?"

"It seems we are one hundred years into the future, Ruth. There was some issue with working out the value of my notes with this Sterling currency, and I think some banks were involved aswell," Cal recalled, tucking the plastic wallet into the inner pocket of his suit jacket.

"How does it work?" Ismay enquired.

"They just use pounds and pence, similar to way we use dollars and cents," Cal anwered swiftly. "So while things look extortionate, they actually aren't."

"Oh, so that deal for Benidorm is pretty reasonable then?" Rose asked brightly, winking at Jack.

"Nice one! Shall we leave then?" Jack asked, peering outside the window, where it had begun to rain lightly. "Uh oh, don't have an umbrella ..."

"It's just a little water! Nothing to it!" Molly insisted, heading for the door before turning to Murdoch. "Where do you recommend we go?"

"Not a clue," Murdoch replied honestly. "I've been to Glasgow several times, but that was over one hundred years ago - God that's a weird sentence to say!"

"I'm hungry, how about we find someplace that sells food?" Lightoller suggested, rubbing his belly to emphasise his hunger.

"Yes, I think that would be wise. We can all sit down, and have a think about that to do next," the Captain concluded, ushering everyone out of the store. "If we go back to that main road by the train station, we should find something."

Ruth let out a gasp of shock as she stepped into the rain, wearing only a gown, she was definitely not equipped for the weather. "Let's be quick about this, shall we?"

"Agreed," Jack called out as he ran ahead, presumably to check out the stores and restaurants on Union Street.

Rose shivered in the freezing rain, huddling next to Mr Andrews, who decided to lend her his coat.

"Can't have you catching a chill," He said kindly, draping his coat over her shoulders.

"T-Thank you," Rose smiled, pulling the coat tight across her. "I can't wait to sit in someplace warm and dry."

Walking onto Union Street, the group pushed past the crowds rushing around with umbrellas, trying to get out of the rain. Occasionally, the odd junkie in a tracksuit that hasn't been washed in some time would stumble by, with a plastic carrier bag over their head.

"Wow ... He makes me look good!" Jack joked as another one of the junkies passed by, carrying a ratty little dog in one arm, and a rolled up sheet of paper in the other.

"Hmmm ... I have no idea where to go," Mr Andrews mused, as they approached the corner of Union Street, where there was a fast food restaurant on each corner. "_Pizza Hut_, _KFC_, _McDonalds_ or that oriental-looking place."

At the word _McDonalds_, Murdoch's eyes lit up. Letting out a small squeal, he pointed towards the restaurant, that looked extremely busy.

"A place called _McDonalds_? It _has_ to sell Scottish food! We're fine!" Murdoch concluded, pulling at Lightoller and Lovejoy towards the road.

"I suppose that would be better than whatever disgrace that _KFC_ sells. They don't even have plates, their food comes in a box for crying out loud!" Ruth lamented, her beady eyes glaring at the _KFC_ employees who were looking at her strangely.

"Let's just get out of the rain, shall we?" Captain Smith suggested, following Murdoch and the crowds across the road towards _McDonalds_. Everyone else followed behind, somewhat reluctantly.

Whatever Murdoch had imagined _McDonalds_ to be, he could not have been more wrong. His face fell inside the store, where the menu boards displayed burgers that came in little boxes and wrappers. There was nothing distinctly Scottish about it, unless you count the customers and staff.

"Wait ... This isn't Scottish!" Murdoch said with disappointment.

"What on Earth is a _Big Mac_?" Rose questioned, staring at the menu board. "It doesn't look too nice ..."

"Maybe we should get _Happy Meals_, cheer everyone up?" Lightoller suggested, not realising it was really children's meals.

"Fine, how many of us are there?" Cal asked, not even bothering to put up a fight.

As everyone gathered around, Mr Andrews counted everyone. "Eleven."

"Okay, I can do this," Cal said through gritted teeth as he went up to place his order, assisted by Lovejoy of course, and Lightoller. "Can I get eleven _Happy Meals_ please?"

"What would you like in your _Happy Meals_? We do cheeseburgers, hamburgers, chicken nuggets and fish fingers." The crew member smiled at the three of them, trying to keep a straight face.

The three of them looked at each other, before Lovejoy suggested, "Everyone likes fish, don't they?"

"Hmmm ... I want to see what a cheeseburger is all about though," Lightoller added.

"Right, make that eleven cheeseburger _Happy Meals_," Cal ordered.

"What drinks are you having?" The employee asked kindly, indicating towards the drinks towers behind him, which Cal apparently didn't notice.

"I'll take eleven glass of red wine please, preferably your highest quality." Cal answered, as the employees around him sniggered.

"Sorry, we don't sell alchohol here," The employee said quietly, doing his hardest to keep a neutral expression. "We sell soft drinks, milkshakes, hot drinks and bottled drinks."

"Ummm ... Cola, I guess?" Lightoller suggested to Cal, who nodded in reply.

"Eleven colas please." Cal demanded.

"Okay, so your oder comes to £25.19," The employee asked as Cal carefully sorted through his money and handed over two twenty pound notes.

"Thank you, it'll be a few minutes for me to assemble your order," The employee said before he asked someone to start pouring drinks for him.

Cal, Lightoller and Lovejoy watched in confusion and wonder as the employee laid out three trays in front of them and set out eleven _Happy Meal_ boxes with _Spongebob Squarepants_ adorned on the sides. He tossed a cheeseburger into each box, before carefully placing a small packet of fries in each. He leaned over with some difficulty and closed over the boxes. His colleage laid out the eleven drinks on another tray, along with a variety of sauces.

"What the Hell is this?" Lightoller asked, looking in amazement at the boxes. "What did I get you to order?"

"I haven't the slightest clue, Mr Lightoller," Cal said softly, looking at the small cups of cola in disappointment.

"Shall we?" Lovejoy asked, carrying two trays of boxes.

Cal grabbed the other tray with the food while Lightoller grabbed the drinks. They carefully navigated their way to the other side of the store, where the rest of the group had taken over several tables.

"What did you get?" Molly asked eagerly, apparently her and Jack were the only ones looking forward to their _Happy Meals_.

"Cheeseburgers and cola," Lovejoy replied, setting down one of the trays and passing boxes to everyone.

Jack ripped his box open with such gusto that fries flew over the table. "Oh, cool! A toy! What is it?"

"A _toy_?!" Ruth asked with incredible disbelief. "They hand out toys with their food?"

"Must be this _Spongebob_ guy," Mr Andrews said, examining his box.

"These taste like potato," Captain Smith said once he tasted a couple of fries. "A bit salty, mind."

"Oh man, this cheeseburger is the bollocks!" Murdoch cried, with a mouth full of burger. "It seems so simple, yet delicious!".

"It would appear so," Ismay said, unwrapping his burger with caution, and prodding it several times. "Hmmm, I suppose it will do."

Lightoller proceeded to eat his cheeseburger whole, and was now reading the little bits of fun facts and short character bios that were on his box. Trying to swallow his food, he pounded his fist on the table several times until the food eventually went down.

"Did you enjoy that Officer Lightoller?" Rose asked, sipping her cola.

Lightoller nodded, removing his fries from the box. "Cal wanted to get us fish, but I thought cheeseburgers would be more fun!"

"Indeed," Murdoch replied, eyeing up Ruth's burger, which she had barely touched.

"So where do we go now?" Jack asked, looking around.

His reply was complete silence as everyone looked around and ate their food. It looks like it's going to be a long trip for these hapless passengers.


	3. Chapter Three

**AUTHOR'S NOTE : _Sorry about the delay for this chapter. I certainly hope it amuses! Quick side note - I actually work in a McDonalds, and I'm pleased that segment in particular seemed well-recieved. Just to clarify, I don't work in the Argyle Street store mentioned in the story, though I do giggle and think of the story when I pass by it, or indeed make up cheesburger Happy Meals in my own store. My colleagues can't seem to work out why I snigger when making them up. Thanks everyone for your reviews!_**

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**_~ Chapter Three ~_**

The rest of the meal went by without much incident, aside from Lightoller going back up to purchase some more cheeseburgers for himself and Murdoch, and eventually choking on a cheeseburger. Luckily Mr Andrews was there to save the day.

"People keep staring at us ..." Jack noticed, as he glanced around the restaurant.

"We need their kind of clothes," Rose concluded, eyeing up a large brown paper bag with _PRIMARK_ printed on the sides. "I've seen a lot of those bags, maybe it's very good."

Ruth turned her nose up, "It seems like a peasant store to me."

Rose turned to Cal, who in turn was watching Lovejoy eye up a young woman in a pair of denim hotpants bending over to pick up her child's _Happy Meal_ toy from the floor. She turned away trying to stilfe a giggle as Ismay glared at him in disgust.

"You would think she would actually bother to get dressed instead of parading around with her behind out!"

At his words, Jack, Murdoch and Lightoller all looked in the direction of the woman as Molly chuckled heartily, "Men will be men!"

"Dear God ..." Captain Smith sighed in embarrassment at his officers. He had a feeling that they were going to show him up at every opportunity.

Ruth let out a dusgusted snort that practically forced the group and several nearby customers to stare at her. Indigantly, she declared, "You men are an embarrassment to me."

"Hey, lady ... I saved your daughter's life, remember?" Jack pointed out, brandishing a soggy fry at her. "How about a little gratitude?"

"Leering at a young woman is gratitude?" Ruth frowned, turning away to start a conversation with Mr Andrews, who looked like he was enjoying himself.

"Your future mother-in-law doesn't seem to smile much, does she?" Lovejoy asked Cal, after sneaking another look at the woman as she led her young boy away.

Cal smiled at him, "She's a lady Lovejoy."

"Are we getting clothes or what?" Murdoch asked, pulling off his tie and stuffing it in his pocket. "I need out this uniform."

"Me too," Lightoller agreed before turning to an older woman in a dirty tracksuit. "Excuse me ma'am, where can I find this _Primark_ everyone seems to go to?"

"Ma'am? Who ye talkin' tae ya mad arsehole? Ah'm only thirty-three!"

Lightoller looked shocked. "Really? You look around fifty with your wrinkled skin and -"

"Mr Lightoller shut up for Heaven's sake!" Smith barked before looking at the woman apologetically. "I'm sorry, he seemed to have left his manners behind ..."

The woman gave them a dirty look before shuffling away, scuffing the floor with her knock-off _UGG_ boots. She grumbled and huffed as she left the store, giving Lightoller the finger as she walked by the window.

"Don't even think about returning that finger," Ismay warned, as Murdoch gently lowered Lightoller's arm.

"Hey, sonny, I thought she was old too!" Molly remarked. "Her face looked about fifty, and to be honest, she needs a wash and some new clothes!"

"I don't like Scottish people anymore," Lightoller scowled, rewarding himself with a punch in the arm from Murdoch.

"What about me?" Murdoch asked pointedly, aiming another punch.

Rose looked at the two men before pleading, "Can we all just be nice to each other, please? It's an unusual situation. I say we buy new clothes and find a hotel so we can figure out a plan."

"That's a good idea Rose," Mr Andrews smiled as the group nodded in agreement. Getting up, he looked at the boxes and wrappers strewn across the tables. "What to do about our rubbish?"

"They'll have someone for that Mr Andrews," Cal replied airily, taking Rose's hand as she got up from the table, before doing the same for Ruth and Molly.

"Still ... It seems a bit rude ..." Jack muttered as they left their rubbish and stepped outside. Thankfully the rain had stopped for now, but with it being Glasgow, it would only be a matter of time before it started again.

Murdoch pointed towards Argyle Street, where it seemed to be lined with shops. "Perhaps _Primark_ is on this street?"

"Should we trust you after you thought _McDonald's_ was a decent Scottish restaurant?" Lovejoy pointed out.

Holding up his hands, Murdoch defended himself, "Hey, I didn't choose the food!"

"It can't hurt to look to be honest," Lightoller suggested, already striding across the road, and almost getting hit by a bus.

"Lights you idiot!" Murdoch yelled, running over to him. "Don't you know to look before crossing the road? This isn't 1912, Glasgow isn't as friendly as I remember it!"

Lightoller shrugged as the rest of the group joined them. Together they walked through the crowds down Argyle Street, taking in the various sights and sounds. There was a young man playing _Flower of Scotland_ on the bagpipes, so naturally, Murdoch made everyone stop and listen to him.

"He's pretty good," Jack commented after watching him play. "I've always liked bagpipes. Can you play them Mr Murdoch?"

Murdoch shook his head, "Nah, didn't seem to interest me, playing them."

"He'll be lying, like the kilt thing," Molly joked. "He could probably play a whole concert list of songs!"

"I maybe wouldn't anger him," Rose whispered to Molly. "These Scottish people seem to have quite the temper."

"Indeed they do!" Ruth huffed, standing out the way of a drunk teenager who was swaggering around with a bottle of _Buckfast_. "My God ... Such a disgrace!"

Continuing onwards, they hit the pedestrian area of Argyle Street, and found _Primark_ with relative ease. Sticking together, they wandered inside. They looked in awe at the women's fashion, which did appear to be all about hotpants, patterned jumpers and festive dresses.

"Oh my God!" Rose gasped, looking around. "This is 2012 fashion? It's so ... freeing!"

"I'm not going to find anything here, am I?" Ruth sighed, looking at a particularly short pair of hot pants in disgust.

It was around an hour later when they had finally filled five baskets full of clothes, after an employee kindly pointed out the baskets after watching the men struggle under mountains of clothes. Satisfied with their choices - or not, as was in Ruth's case, who reluctantly bought some smart trousers and several jumpers - they made their way to the tills.

"Five baskets?" The bemused till worker asked as Cal dumped as many as he could at the desk.

"Yes, five," Cal replied curtly. "And I'll be paying for the lot."

The woman nodded, "Of course sir."

As she began scanning, Cal looked in wonder as she held the price tag up to a small screen which scanned it right away. "My goodness, that's fascinating!"

Looking even more bemused than ever, the woman smiled kindly. "Modern technology, eh?"

"Modern indeed ... Mr Andrews come look at this!"

Mr Andrews hurried up to the till just as one of Rose's dresses was being scanned. "Wow!"

"Let me see!" Molly excitedly insisted, nudging Cal aside. "That's pretty amazing!"

Soon enough, everyone apart from Ruth had gone up to the till to watch the employee scan clothes. Lovejoy and Jack stayed behind to help carry the large bags that were being handed over to them.

"So that will be ... £436 please," The woman asked kindly.

Cal fumbled with the money for a brief moment as he handed over £450 in fifties. Gratefully recieving his change, he picked up the last of the bags and bid the woman good day before joining everyone else.

"So ... Looking for a hotel then?" Captain Smith suggested, taking a couple of bags from the men.

The group nodded in agreement as they left the shop from the Queen Street entrance. Up ahead, they could see a fire coming from an establishment, and a few familar faces. Murdoch dropped his bags as he and Lightoller ran towards the men, who were currently in a heated arguement.

"Reggie, you idiot! You burned the bloody place down!"

"I did _not_!"

"Shut up! Both of you!"

"Hey, this was _your_ idea Mr Moody!"

"What the hell is going on?!" Murdoch asked in utter surprise. "How did you get to Glasgow aswell?!"

Moody shrugged as he scowled at look outs Fleet and Lee, who were still bickering. "No idea Will, but they burned down something called _Sainsbury's_."

Murdoch and Lightoller stared at them open mouth and wide eyed. They both ushered the men away, shoving them towards the group, who too looked surprised to see them.

"Captain!" Fleet gasped, dropping a bottle of lemonade he had smuggled from _Sainbury's_ before it went up in flames.

"My goodness, how many more of my crew are out here?" Captain Smith groaned, looking at them. "Mr Moody, what happened?"

"Mr Lee burned down a supermarket ..." Moody trailed, looking angrily at Lee, who simply shrugged.

Jack looked extremely impressed, "Whoa! How'd you manage that?"

"Jack, that isn't something to be proud of," Mr Andrews reminded him, looking sternly at the new arrivals.

"It is infact a disgrace. And a crime, if I might add," Ismay growled. "I demand a full explanation!".

"Well ..." Fleet began, looking at Lee.

"Mr Moody ..."

"Don't blame me because I wanted something to eat!" Moody insisted. "Why did you even try to light that object anyway?"

Sniggering, Lee replied, "It had a picture of a fire on the side. I thought you had to burn it ..."

"You caused a small explosion! I'm surprised we weren't killed!" Moody cried, hitting him over the head.

"Why didn't you wait until you were outside to try it?" Lightoller asked, recieving a glare from Lee.

"Our money doesn't work," Fleet answered simply. "They laughed at me when I handed over all the money I had."

"We'd better leave the area," Lovejoy advised. "If the police get involved then we'll be in a lot of touble."

Captain Smith nodded, "I think that would be wise. You three come with us, I'll get some more answers out of you when we reach a hotel!"

"Seriously, what happened?" Murdoch asked Moody in a low voice.

"Exactly what I told you," He hissed in reply, pointing towards the lookouts. "Complete morons, they must have caviar for brains or something!"

"Such appalling behavior," Ruth announced as several fire engines raced past them, sirens blaring. "Look at the trouble they've caused!"

"Heh, I bet they could've sank the _Titanic_ if they tried hard enough," Molly laughed, before adding, "Lighten up Ruth!"

Ruth merely let out an exasperated sigh as they trudged back along Argyle Street. Arriving at the bridge at Central Station, Rose pointed out a hotel further down the street. All fourteen of them hurried down towards it, eager to avoid any more trouble.


	4. Chapter Four

_****_**AUTHOR'S NOTE : _Apologies for the delay, currently swamped with tests and preliminary exams at college. I had originally conceived the idea for the story back in September, with the intention of it being set during that month, which is why the Scotland team manager is still Levein and not Strachan. I made up the football scores, but tried to be realistic as possible. Anyway, keep reading and reviewing, I have much more planned, and I am open to suggestions!_**

* * *

_**~ Chapter Four ~**_

All fourteen of them had gathered in the room shared by Murdoch, Lightoller and Moody. It had been an hour since their arrival at the hotel, the whole checking-in and finding their rooms being some sort of ordeal to them. Not only were they confused by the modern lifts and absence of operators, they struggled to enter their rooms, not being familiar with the plastic swipe cards issued. Eventually, Rose had to ask a young businessman to show them how to open their rooms, thanking him in return. They were now all dressed in the latest fashions from _Primark_, with the men mostly in jeans and colourful shirts, Molly and Ruth dressed respectably in trousers and jumpers, and finally, Rose being more daring and opting for wet-look leggings, black pumps and a thigh skimming pink vest top. Most of them, at least, were now beginning to feel slightly more at ease.

Lounging on his bed, Moody asked, "So what's going on then?"

"We have no idea," Murdoch answered swiftly. "The lot of us woke up in Central Station."

"I woke up in the store room of a bakery. I think it was called _Greggs_ or something. I had to run out of there in case I was falsely accused of breaking and entering, or stealing," Lovejoy informed the group. "It was sheer luck that I ran into everyone in the station, because it was the first place I saw when I left that bakery."

Smith slowly nodded, taking in every piece of information that was shared among the group. He was perched on the end of Moody's bed, thinking hard to himself. "Does anyone actually know _how_ we ended up in Glasgow?"

Everyone collectively shook their heads, with Andrews stating, "Last thing I remember, I was taking a note in my book, and then everything went black. I opened my eyes, and I was lying on a platform at the station."

"Same thing happened to me too sir," Lightoller added with a slight sigh. "All I remember before blacking out was trying to catch some steerage rats to hide in Mr Lowe's cabin."

"Mr Lightoller!" Ismay gasped, looking absolutely horrified. "Don't you know rats carry disease?"

Ruth crept over to the opposite of the room from Lightoller and scowled at him, "Please oh God tell me you didn't actually touch one?"

"Nah, they were too quick for me," Lightoller sighed sadly, causing Ruth to let out a very audible sigh of relief.

Jack smiled at Lightoller, "I can show you how to catch rats! I'm pretty good!"

Cal gasped, and looked at Jack with a look of sheer loathing and utter disgust, "You touched my fiancee with those hands!"

"Relax, I wash my hands afterwards," Jack insisted. "Rabbits are much easier. So is the odd goat."

"Goat?!" Molly asked incredulously. "Son, we need to get you some real food! And none of that cheeseburger nonsense, I did not see one single vegetable or salad item."

"I think we're getting a little sidetracked here," Rose chortled, effectively ending the discussion. She smiled sweetly at Smith, and asked, "So what do you recommend we do captain?"

He merely shrugged and suggested, "Wait until the morning, I think. Everyone seems too worked up just now to actually think straight."

"Can you really blame us, sir?" Fleet asked, sitting with Lee on the desk and absentmindedly nudging Lovejoy with his feet. "We nearly got into trouble!"

"Here we go ..." Lee said, rolling his eyes before looking sideways at Fleet. "You're going to blame me again, aren't you?"

"You set it on fire!"

"I thought I was supposed to!"

Moody groaned, "You men will be the death of me!"

"They nearly were!" Molly laughed, causing most of the group to laugh as well as Moody's face turned a pale shade of pink.

Lovejoy walked towards the door, announcing, "I'm going to go outside and have a look around the area, see if I can find anything. I'm getting fed up with getting kicked in the back repeatedly by some imbecile posing as a lookout!"

"Hey! That hurt!" Fleet called, pretending to pout before sniggering.

Andrews sighed, "Mr Fleet, with all due respect, we need you to be on your best behaviour. _All_ of the crew, for that matter."

"Well said Mr Andrews," Cal said curtly, nodding in his direction. "If we must stick together I'd rather not bear witness to any more burning buildings ... Or pest-catching."

Jack turned his attention to the television that was on a small table, "Shall we see what that thing does?"

Ruth spun around and looked at it, giving it a sour look. "That looks like trouble to me."

"Oh, lighten up! Everything's trouble with you!"

"Lights, one of these days your mouth is going to get you into a serious mess," Murdoch groaned, before turning to Ruth and apologising for Lightoller's comment.

Ruth nodded and shrugged, "I don't really expect manners from sailors, although he could be more polite when speaking to a lady."

Lightoller merely scowled before slouching off his bed and walking over to the window, "I'm saying nothing then."

"Good," Smith remarked indignantly before turning to Jack and asking, "Do you think you can work this weird box?"

"I can try," Jack shrugged, before poking at the buttons for a minute. The television soon flickered to life, showing the final ten minutes of the Scotland football match on _Sky Sports 2_, with Scotland currently 2-0 down against Slovakia.

"Wow!" Rose gasped, her eyes wide as she inched closer to the screen. "Moving pictures, but in colour!"

"That's absolutely amazing!" Ismay marvelled, before noticing the score in the top left corner of the screen and snickering at Murdoch, "Your national football team is atrocious."

"Pffft ... Slovakia isn't a real country anyway," He scoffed in a somewhat feeble reply. "England would probably get beat 6-0 by them or something."

Andrews chuckled, "So Scotland is getting defeated by an imaginary country then Mr Murdoch?"

Murdoch blushed slightly and lowered his gaze to the bed, mumbling, "We're still better than Ireland ..."

The group decided to watch the rest of the match, keen to see what would be coming on after it. Sadly for Murdoch, the scoreline remained 2-0 to Slovakia by the end of the match. As the Scotland team manager Craig Levein was being interviewed by _Sky Sports_, the English members of the group heckled and jeered at him, with Lee being audacious enough to throw hats at the television.

Murdoch sighed, "Guy looks like a clueless moron anyway ... Would be better with a new manager."

"Too late now Mr Murdoch," Cal smirked, looking closely at the buttons on the television. "Do you think this shows other things?"

Ruth snorted, "I certainly hope so, that was absolutely dire!"

With success, Cal prodded one of the buttons and the channel changed instantly to the aftermath of the England football match, where they had drawn 2-2 with the Netherlands.

"Ha!" Lightoller exclaimed, perking up a bit more now. "We still did better than Scotland!"

"Shut it Lights," Murdoch grumbled, as Cal flicked through more channels, stopping at _Challenge_, where a programme called _Takeshi's Castle_ was just beginning.

"Can we keep this on?" Moody asked, as the one-hundred strong group of Japanese contestants lined up to start their first challenge. "This looks promising."

"I suppose," Cal nodded, stepping back from the television. "Everything else looked like total garbage to me anyway."

Ruth watched in sheer bewilderment, "What is the point of all this?"

"Looks like some sort of game Mother," Rose observed, watching a young woman fall into a puddle of mud and struggled to get back out. "It's rather messy, isn't it?"

"They look funny," Fleet noted, glancing around the room. "They look like Chinese, but they can't be."

Smith sighed, "Mr Fleet ..."

"Sorry captain."

Jack smiled at Fleet, "Don't worry, I was thinking it too."

They all seemed captivated as the show progressed, watching the contestants face, and inevitably fail, a variety of bizarre challenges, including running across a set of skipping stones, and tackling a weird obstacle course. By the time the programme was finished, they waited in anticipation for _The Crystal Maze_.

"This doesn't seem to bad after all," Cal laughed, relaxing on Murdoch's bed. "I quite enjoy laughing at the misfortune's of idiots. Perhaps this _Crystal Maze_ will have more of the same."

Ismay nodded, "Perhaps they have to find their way out of a maze of crystal?"

"But crystal's clear Bruce," Molly pointed out. "Seems kinda easy to me!"

"Maybe some of those weird scary people will jump out at the players then," Murdoch suggested. "They didn't scare me, personally, but I could see Mr Moody and Mr Lightoller dive to the floor in fright."

"That wasn't funny!" Moody protested, shooting Murdoch a death glare. "They will haunt me in my dreams!"

At this point, there was a polite knock at the door. Being closest to it, Lee cautiously slid off the desk to answer it, relieved to find that Lovejoy had returned, bearing several plastic bags of groceries. Lee's eyes lit up at the packet of chocolate biscuits near the top of one of the bags, "Food!"

"There is a supermarket called _Tesco_ not too far from here," Lovejoy informed the group, as he placed the bags on the space on the desk Lee had created. "I took it upon myself to go, seeing as a few of the men here can't be trusted."

"Thank you Lovejoy," Cal smiled, walking over to the bags and pulling out a family-sized packet of _Chilli Heatwave Doritos_. "Hmmm ..."

Lovejoy shrugged, "They were buy one get one free. I figured with fourteen of us, we could do with the extra food."

Lovejoy then passed the bags around, with everyone dividing up the food between themselves. Satisfied, they all settled down to watch _The Crystal Maze_, not realising it was actually a marathon run of several episodes, each an hour long. Not that they had much else to do anyway, given Smith's advice earlier about leaving any planning until tomorrow. Looks like there was nothing else to do but watch television and sit around for now ...


End file.
